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planty
Style Maven (660)
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# Posted: 11 Aug 2008 13:24
My son is already getting into trouble at school. Its the first day of the second week and hes gone to the office 3 times. Its nothing super bad like fighting. but being annoying, wearing a hat, goofing off being a smart mouth.
Im so at my wits end with that child. we had a long talk about how he was going to try harder this year. Well he has already shown me he is not even going to bother. Now I dont know what to do.
his GPA last year in 7th was .89 UGH He just dont care and I really have no clue as to what to do.
Today my first impluse was to take everything away. The Ipod, The playstation, the TV, the cell, and confine him to his room. BUT he is stuck sharing a room with his younger brother and lets just say hes not very kind to his younger brother.
To make matters worse My husband (not his bio dad) is off of work so hes home all day. its very tough on me mentally to have those two here nit picking each other all the time.
I was just wondering what you guys do? I have him in a special after school tutoring program but he slacks that off and dont go.
What do you expect from your kids in the form of grades? My parents didnt care and were full of empty threats, so I dont know how to be a decent parent when it comes to this.
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BlessedinTexas
Favorite SISter (10065)
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# Posted: 11 Aug 2008 13:42
First off I am sorry you are struggling with this.....question - do you think some of his acting up his due to his bio dad not in his life or is he? Maybe some counseling so they can figure it out?
Personally I would take away all the things he likes the most and work from there and the first week he comes home with all good conduct he earns one thing back and go from there...some times kids have to know you mean business.....and also can you find a place for your younger son to sleep until this gets resolved?
I will keep you in my prayers - I know sometimes I wish parenting came with a manual when our children are born -
Hugs,
BIT
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planty
Style Maven (660)
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# Posted: 11 Aug 2008 14:01
I know there are issues about his real dad. he has seen him like 5 times in his life. has a new family and sends his kids to private school. so Im sure there are alot of isses there.
My middle son could stay on the sofa. We are so cramped in this small apt but cant afford to make a move right now.
So when he gets home Im going to put his cell and stuff in a box. Its the only thing I can think of to do. Im also thinking of taking away his Reno trip in Sept. My dad takes him to the air races every year but every year his grades get worse.. why reward him?
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lalscrap
Favorite SISter (12983)
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# Posted: 11 Aug 2008 14:08 - Edited by: lalscrap
First off I am sorry you are struggling with this.....
ditto!!!
i am i agreement with what bit said!!
the other thing you might check into is: does he have ADHD.
my son has it . and when he was diagnosed it seem to take alot of pressure off of him just knowing why he does some of the things he does.
like being disruptive in class. he now knows if he can just hold it together in school he can let loose at home with understanding from us.
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tia0220
Model SISter (2827)
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# Posted: 11 Aug 2008 14:11
I know that this kind of stuff can be SO hard.
I also know that kids crave discipline and perhaps this is why he's acting out.
My parents always told me they didn't believe in grounding us.......then I hit 7th grade! LOL
I can tell you that my car was always taken away when I got older and I'd get in trouble because being old enough to drive yet having to ride the bus was the BIGGEST punishment.
I am having some of the same issues with my DH's kids. The oldest is WAY too into girls and not so much into school. I try, but we don't have custody.
I would say definately take his privileges away. You can take his cell phone but let him keep his battery. A constant reminder that he's on trouble. Also, if you are taking his things away, make sure his friends are included. Don't let him go out and have a good time with them either!
Good Luck!
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planty
Style Maven (660)
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# Posted: 11 Aug 2008 15:34
Thanks alot for the kind words. My son has always been a pain in the bottom. He was booted out of 4 pre schools.. I had him tested for every problem ADD, ADHD exct. nope.
He is HUGE for one almost 6 foot tall and pushing 200 pounds, Mens size 16 shoe. Very smart too thats why Im so frustrated with the grades. He was in 5th grade and had to go get special books for his reading tests. He was reading at a 12th grade level in 5th grade. The fact that he is playing dumb is really bothering me.
All the teachers love him, they think he is funny and he is always on their good sides. BUT and they always say that...he is a total clown.
SIGH Im going to try a real grounding. I usually give in and let him go hang out with friends, which I give him his cell back because I want to contact him. so this time Im going to be the bad guy and make him stay in the hosue.
excpt for football he has to do his practice I dont want to take that away because his councler wanted us to put him in football for frustration issues and team building skills.
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staramaze
Model SISter (2815)
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# Posted: 11 Aug 2008 15:41
hum... teenagers are tough! Ok... I am NOT the mom of a teen... but a 4 TO... but I think about the "what if's" of teen discipline quite a bit... as I was a horrendous teen myself; so I am prepared for the worst!
He sounds like a really GOOD kid at heart, that just needs to learn some self awareness and respect... how his actions effect others, and his place in the world... right?
What about some volunteering? Have him pick the cause... maybe a nursing home, library, fire-station, animal shelter??? There might even be a person at his school that fields requests from agencies... or if you google "volunteer" you will find several agencies that coordinate volunteer requests all over the USA.
I just think you are right... that grounding just ends up being a PITA for everyone ELSE too... and in the end... what has he really learned? And I think community service can help self esteem and respect for authority issues... especially if he is involved with selecting the area of service.
good luck!
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leateach
SISter Elle (1858)
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# Posted: 11 Aug 2008 15:48
I am sorry you are going through this :( My brother was the same way. His problem was he was bored with school. He is very smart and work was just to easy for him so he got into trouble. He was moved into some advanced classes with more of a hands on approach. As he moved up in school it got easier....Now in his 20's we find out he has ADD. I think you are right to take things away from him until he straightens up. You are in my prayers :)
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allison11
Vogue SISter (3672)
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# Posted: 11 Aug 2008 15:54
i think that for the school work, you and step dad need to be very proactive in making sure he does the work.
i'd say that as soon as he gets home from football, ya'll need to eat dinner and then make him sit down and do his homework, and you guys be right there with him.
most schools have a grade policy for sports. i'd be quite surprised if your doesn't. they way that you are talking, with his grades, he shouldn't be allowed to actually play in the games. if your school doesn't have this policy, you may want to talk to the coach about not letting him play until his grades reach an acceptable average (usually a 2.5).
i don't think that confining him to his room seems like a good idea, with the small space issues. maybe not let him do things with his friends, but still go do things with family?? that way he is still getting out of the house, but isn't getting to do exactly what he wants??
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spazzgirl
Style Maven (614)
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# Posted: 11 Aug 2008 16:05
We are pretty strict in my house, especially where school is concerned.
I have the sassy mouth 12 year old but he likes having stuff and getting to do things, so for the most part he behaves.
He really likes money, like big time, so we pay him for good grades. A little bribery never hurts when it makes them try harder. It's worked so well the last couple years, we are now honor roll. When he does bad, he has something taken away. We start with TV because that is the lowest on his list but it can possibly include the Ipod, cell phone, computer, PSP, Playstation, going outside....Luckily we have never had to take it all away, yet.
Usually when he misbehaves we have a nice "talk" about what we expect and how he has failed and then usually ask him what he thinks his punishment should be (it's always worse than we would have done).
Good luck! So far 12 has been trying but manageable. Teenhood is a whole other ball of wax, I am not looking forward to.
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spazzgirl
Style Maven (614)
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# Posted: 11 Aug 2008 16:08
Oh and btw...my son is the poster child for ADHD, seriously.
But he can control most of his behaviors now, we never punish him for forgetting things or being distracted. Mouthing off and misbehaving are definitely punishable offenses to any kid.
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