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one-cool-chick
SISter Elle (1803)
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# Posted: 27 Jul 2008 23:20
hey, i was just wondering if anyone has ever experienced having to deal with pet custody issues. any advice when no one will budge on letting the pet go with the other? any advice would be greatly appreciated...
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coloredsprinkles
Haute SISter (850)
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# Posted: 27 Jul 2008 23:31
I have been through this!!! My ex had my two cats, but he never let me have either. I granted me permission to visit them, but that ended when eventually he met someone new. She now has pics of my cat on her myspace, errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
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one-cool-chick
SISter Elle (1803)
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# Posted: 27 Jul 2008 23:38
that soo sucks. my bf and i have been going through ALOT of problems for a long time now and back in october we got a puppy. i suggested then that we come up with a plan before we got her since we were not dong well and he thought i was just being "b*tchy" and told me that i was determined to have us end. well, needless to say we still are not working out and i find that i stay because of the dog which is not fair to my bf, me or the dog for that matter. i would just die without her and he states that he feels the same. we talked about having weeks and stuff with the dog, but realistically that does not work and i don't want to be tied to him forever. that is why i chose to not have children, but now this...
i have been sick for the past two weeks over all this as i know that the inevitable is approaching.
can this end well?
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tallynt
Favorite SISter (8080)
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# Posted: 27 Jul 2008 23:54
I have no ideas but I am so sorry. Having a pet is pretty much like having children. Big hugs all around and I hope you can come up with a solution.
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coloredsprinkles
Haute SISter (850)
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# Posted: 28 Jul 2008 00:09
Yes having a pet minds well be the same as having a child. You get attatched just like it was a kid. I constantly miss my cat, but now he is with someone new, they even have a child together now.
Its a difficult situation
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kwhitten
Big SIS (4195)
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# Posted: 28 Jul 2008 00:32
I worked for an attorney for a long time and had this come up several times. One in particular I remember the people shared custody of a dog and a painting! (WEIRD - I know), but they switched year by year....must have been tough on the pet...painting, not so much, but I don't ever remember any pet custody actually going in front of a judge, these people had an agreement.
I am sure there are probably some laws regarding this in your State. I am so sorry you have to deal with this... Good luck, I would DIE if someone tried to take my furbaby, Angus.
~kim
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TaraAnderson
Stylin' SIS (194)
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# Posted: 28 Jul 2008 00:37
My husband and his ex-wife had joint custody of a 4yr. old Rottweiler. After dealing with weekend pickups/dropoffs for a year, we finally convinced her that for the sake of the dog, to just let her live with us in our house. Hopey (the Rotty) is a bit emotional and has some security issues, and we could tell that her unstable living conditions were affecting her physical health. Luckily the ex agreed and she's been with me for the past 6 years, happily content at my side.
I never had heard of custody issues over pets before until my husband. We were really lucky that the ex was willing to make Hopey a priority, and not a power struggle. Good luck with your situation! I really hope it works out for the best for both you and the pet!!
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Kim Langston
Style Maven (545)
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# Posted: 28 Jul 2008 01:39
I hope your situation gets settled soon. No advice here just feel for you in your situation. Lucky for me when I split with my ex, I got custody of all the pets... no question. Not that he doesn't love our furbaby because he loves her as much as I. My heart breaks for you and your situation!
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metrochic
Favorite SISter (14671)
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# Posted: 28 Jul 2008 03:42
crap, susan. i'm sorry you're going through this!
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ScrappyAmy
Model SISter (2659)
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# Posted: 28 Jul 2008 07:34
I had 3 cats with my ex. They didnt do well apart so I left them all with him. I ended up getting my own cat and then a year later I found out he took all 3 to a no kill shelter. Had I known then, I would have taken all 3 originally and risked getting kicked out of my apartment! It was too awkward for me to go visit the cats while we fought so much so I just sorta let them go. NEVER AGAIN!! Cats dont lie, dont cheat, and are more loyal than any man! I will never leave any behind again!! Good luck to you and I hope it all works out for the best for all of you!
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TracyTN
Favorite SISter (5492)
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# Posted: 28 Jul 2008 09:04
I'm sorry you're going through this. Might I suggest having a reasonable discussion together, agreeing to keep emotions at bay, over some very practical matters to consider...
*who is in a better position to give the dog a healthy environment, providing exercise, comfort, security, plenty of time to spend with the dog, etc.?
*who is in a better position to pay for the expenses of owning a dog (food, medicines, vet appts, neuter/spaying/breeding, doggie daycare/kennel stays, grooming, obedience training, treats, toys, etc.)?
*who travels more and would have to regularly make arrangements to have the dog cared for?
*who has more people in their lives that are not into dogs and/or are allergic to them, whereas the dog would likely be left behind more often because their family/friends aren't dog-friendly people?
It seems that whoever can provide the best life for the dog needs to take full ownership while the other cuts their ties because you're right, any joint custody would keep you tied to your soon-to-be ex.
Good luck getting the situation resolved!
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bzzyfingers
SISter Elle (1816)
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# Posted: 28 Jul 2008 09:15
this is simple, susan.
belle and i will kidnap olive. we'll keep her at our house, and they will become bffs. then you will move to the cape and we can be neighbors and scrappy friends.
the end.
((sending good vibes your way))
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one-cool-chick
SISter Elle (1803)
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# Posted: 28 Jul 2008 09:36
thanks for all the advice. i think what is worse is that she is my shadow. everywhere i go she is right there. i know that she would die without me as i would without her. When i am not home she waits at the door for me, but she doesn't do that for him. he's on this big, he's the alpha male and pack leader b*ll s*it and how he will get people to say that he is better for her than me.
i don't know what to heck to do. what's worse is now he is showering her with attention where he had not before. i had looked up that through mediation they could have a person assess who the dog is more attached to and i think he is doing whatever it takes to spend a crap load of time with her so she will "pick" him.
i am just dying inside. i feel like my heart is ripping out of my chest...
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Krista
Haute SISter (948)
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# Posted: 28 Jul 2008 10:09
i think all those things TracyTN said are totally on target
so put yourself in the position to be the answer to all of those situations
and who paid for her at the time and pays the majority for her care now?
and because i believe it's easier to ask forgiveness than beg permission,
take her with you when you leave
possession is nine tenths of the law right??
i by no means am a lawyer but if you've already got her,it seems like it will be harder for him to "take" her.
but all of that is easy for me to say since i'm not in the situation
so sorry you're dealing with it
PS. like ScrappyAmy said, animals don't lie.
their like kids and know when someones trying to "bribe" them for affection
if she loves you, she loves you and there's nothing he does that will/can change that
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prairieWillow
Favorite SISter (15654)
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# Posted: 28 Jul 2008 10:11
and because i believe it's easier to ask forgiveness than beg permission,
take her with you when you leave
possession is nine tenths of the law right??
dude.
so what I was going to suggest.
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one-cool-chick
SISter Elle (1803)
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# Posted: 28 Jul 2008 10:17
problem is that we live together. he will have to move out which he is already telling me that will take him a while since he has to find a place, which is fine, but it needs to happen before the end of the year. as far as money goes we have divided everything in half. her purchase, vet bills, food, etc. except for toys and clothes that i have bought we have had a fair spilt down the middle.
i don't know what to do. it's so hard living while your dying inside. i'm at work trying to keep a "happy face', but it is hard. oh and did i mention that we work together to. and we have ALL the same friends.
a very complicated web i've gotten myself into...
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Krista
Haute SISter (948)
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# Posted: 28 Jul 2008 10:29
what if you beat him to the punch and move out?
or is the lease in your name only?
if you move out ahead of him then you reduce a lot of the stress you're dealing with and you can go somewhere he doesn't know you're at - a good thing for a number of reasons it sounds like
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one-cool-chick
SISter Elle (1803)
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# Posted: 28 Jul 2008 10:31
i can leave th apartment. i've lived there for over 9 years. he only moved in a year and a half ago.
i will have to go the lawyer route. i guess...and take my chances...
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allison11
Vogue SISter (3685)
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# Posted: 28 Jul 2008 11:08 - Edited by: allison11
um..i saw a csi on this...
you have 2 options.
get another dog that looks exactly like the one you have now.
tell you ex that he can have the dog, but give him the new look-a-like.
or, let the dog pick who to go to.
you guys stand at one side of the room, the dog at the other (with lawyer present, of course)
you rub bacon all over yourself and shove meat in your pockets.
then call the dog to you.
of course it will come :)
but seriously- i am so sorry you are having to go through this.
i would absolutly die without my molly-bear.
i can't imagine how hard that must be for you.
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MelissaBoo
Fashion Plate (355)
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# Posted: 28 Jul 2008 12:50
I had this issue with my ex-fiance. When we broke up we were still living in the same town so he would drop the dog off at my place. But I realized that it was more about what was a convenience to him, so he would drop her off when he wanted to go out drinking or out of town or something, never bothering to worry about my schedule. He moved shortly after and took her with him. I was upset about this at first because I was the one who took primary care of her (vet visits, grooming, feeding, cleaning, etc). He promised the summer after he moved to come back for a visit and bring her to stay with me because she was being a problem for him. But the day he was supposed to fly in I waited and waited at the aiport and he never showed. I called his voicemail (since he wasn't answering his phone of course) and had to cut all ties. I know he wouldn't give her up, because he wasn't the type to let go of anything, but I knew it was best for me to just move on with my life. She was something that was keeping us tied together and that wasn't healthy for any of us.
I'm not sure if that's the answer you were looking for, and I haven't a clue how she is doing now. I sometimes wonder but determined it's not worth my own mental health to contact him about it.
Good luck with your decisions and I'm sorry that you are having to go through this also.
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HeatherJ
Model SISter (2307)
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# Posted: 29 Jul 2008 10:16
this is simple, susan.
belle and i will kidnap olive. we'll keep her at our house, and they will become bffs. then you will move to the cape and we can be neighbors and scrappy friends.
the end.
I think this actually sounds like a good idea. You might want to do a cut or color to hide the true identity of your sweet dog.
Good luck, I feel terrible for you.
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lydiajane
Favorite SISter (7399)
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# Posted: 29 Jul 2008 12:20
this is sad all around--hope it works out without too much hassle!!
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