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Steph
Style Addict (1386)
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# Posted: 9 Jul 2007 17:34
I feel quite silly and selfish in posting this, especially after reading some of the other prayer requests. I know have so much to be thankful for as I am so so blessed in many many ways. But I feel very low emotionally and guess spiritually as well. If I'm completely honest, I haven't been quite 'right' emotionally since my boyfriend (and soul mate, or so I thought) of 2 years split up with me very suddenly (almost 2 years ago now). He treated me very badly, stringing me along for 4 months after the break-up, letting me think we were on the verge of getting back together. He tried the whole 'I really want us to be friends' thing, but to properly try and get over him, I had to cut him out of my life completely, which included leaving my church and all my Christian friends as he was very involved in our church and made it quite clear that he wasn't going to leave.
2 years might not seem like a lot, but we were very much in love and had started planning our future together...marriage, children, a house...everything. I really did believe we'd be together forever. It took me so so long to get over him, and even now I still feel damaged emotionally, finding it hard to show my true feelings to people, even my own family, which sometime results in arguments between me and my mum as she says I'm often hard and cold. If this is true, it's only because I feel vulnerable and scared of being hurt and let down again.
Not only this, but it has affected my spiritual life. I have been unable to settle at a church since as I felt hurt by the way in which my friends at my old church (a Salvation Army church) seemed to side with my ex-boyfriend after the split because he had been born and bred in the Salvation Army, whereas I had only joined a couple of years before. Furthermore, the way he treated me was totally unchristian. For these reasons, I have found it difficult to find a church and settle there.
I also have fears that I will never meet anyone else and that I will be alone for the rest of my life. Just recently I had been getting to know a lovely Christian guy (whose brother I have known for years now) who I was quite attracted to...and I was positive about how things might turn out as the signs he was giving me were good. I've since found out he's dating someone else. Another blow to my already rock-bottom confidence and self-esteem. Apart from him, he's the only guy I've genuinely liked since my break-up. Every other guy I've met doesn't seem to quite fit the bill...for example, I had very strong feelings for a very good friend of mine at uni, but he is an atheist...so that's a big no-no. I do so want to be with a real man of God. I think about this every day...probably too much. Maybe it shouldn't matter so much, but it really does to me.
Other things in my life too have not been going the way I want them to, and i find myself questioning God about it. I feel let down and disappointed and I really don't want to feel this way. I don't feel like I'm living a very full life at the moment, the way God wants me to, and I don't know what to do about it.
I'm sorry this post has been so long. I just felt I needed to get things off my chest, and you are all so supportive and loving. Please pray for me if you can.
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lalscrap
Favorite SISter (13001)
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# Posted: 9 Jul 2007 17:48
my heart hurts for you!!!
i am and will be praying for you!
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dondreab
Fashion Plate (343)
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# Posted: 9 Jul 2007 17:58
Losing a really close friend can be tough, but try not to let it get the best of you. And I know it's easier said than done, but the last thing you would want to do is look back on your life and see this period as a sad time. Positive energy attracts positive energy. Just give yourself some time with dating and meeting a nice guy. It will come in due season. In the meantime, enjoy life and all the other things it has to offer you.
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ceneedawn
Style Addict (1241)
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# Posted: 9 Jul 2007 18:13
nothing about this is silly or selfish! finding a life-mate is no small matter!
praying for you!!! {{{hugs}}}
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rphmel
Style Addict (1453)
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# Posted: 9 Jul 2007 18:33
Sweetie, if it's important to you, it's important to God!
((((hugs)))) to you...I have been there....i had a relationship it took me YEARS to get over.
will be praying for you.
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lisaluvs2scrap
Stylin' SIS (248)
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# Posted: 9 Jul 2007 20:12
Steph,
My prayers and heart go out to you. Losing someone you love is very difficult, but remember GOD loves you more. HE is working this out in your life, so that your true love can have room to come in. Just have faith that GOD knows who your best mate is, and when it is time, he will come into your life.
Unfortunately our time is not the same as GOD time , so while your waiting, just start each day with the thought that your true love is one day closer to you and you to him, and this day might be the day, just keep looking ! You will know in your spirit when you find him.
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Steph
Style Addict (1386)
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# Posted: 10 Jul 2007 14:25
Thank you so much for your God-given words. You ladies are so so special and it means so much to me to know that I have your prayers and support.
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lauriedevine
SISter Elle (1735)
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# Posted: 11 Jul 2007 00:02
Everything LIsa said is so true! It took me a long time to realize, that God has his own plans and his own timing for things to happen in my life. There are so many things in my life that have not gone as I planned them, but now realize, that everything that has happened has happened for the best. I also have questioned why certain things have occurred and felt left along by God. I know this isn't true though, I know he has been right there beside me through it all. I know that he has put me on a path that would help me in situations and has put people in my life and had them cross my path a specific times to show me that he is supporting and looking out for me.
As for finding someone with God in his life, the other poster is right, if it is important to you, it is important to God as well. Don't settle for anything less than what you are looking for. Don't give up on potential for you to be a hand in leading someone to God as well. Maybe this other person who is an athiest just needs to be shown God? I wouldn't say run out and date him in hopes of converting him, but leave the lines of communication with him open. Always keep your mind, eyes and heart open!
I hope you find a church where you feel loved and welcome and spiritually fulfilled. Keep looking...don't give up! When you get to a new church, if they have a "get to know you" meet after the service, make sure you go and connect with other members that way! That made a huge difference for us when we found our church!
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erinyamabe
SISter Elle (1720)
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# Posted: 11 Jul 2007 11:07
hi steph,
i am so happy to see you came on here to share. there truly is nothing sweeter than a section like this. and i hope you don't feel that any prayer request is not as *important* as another.
my heart breaks for you. i've had my heart broken before, and one of my girlfriends (newly single) is going through much of what you are/were.
i will start praying that you find peace and nuture in a new church, and that you let Him always be first in your heart. it makes all the difference in the world to be at the *right* church. we struggled for years with that.
blessings,
erin
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mellymel
Big SIS (4364)
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# Posted: 11 Jul 2007 11:57
sorry to hear of your disappointments -
i'll pray that you find a church home &
that God draws you closer to Him!
also - don't feel guilty about being angry
i rail at God all the time - it's not like it's a secret
from Him. He changes my heart every day over & over
again.
mel
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Lucy
Favorite SISter (10143)
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# Posted: 11 Jul 2007 13:10
I have been there too,believe me I know how you feel!
But just relax in time someone really special will show up in your life!
I'm sending my prayers for you!
Hugs sweetie.
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bethieyiya
SISter Elle (1764)
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# Posted: 12 Jul 2007 11:15
My prayers are with you.
And here is a verse that has helped me through out the years.
Isaiah 26:3 - 'Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee'
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Little Lulu
Style Maven (528)
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# Posted: 12 Jul 2007 12:49
thinking about you...and of course my prayers are with you...hoping that you find what you are looking for soon...I really does just show up one day.
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nicholed
Model SISter (2219)
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# Posted: 12 Jul 2007 14:06
you're in my prayers :)
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renee
Style Addict (1118)
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# Posted: 12 Jul 2007 14:14
Perhaps from an outside point of view, you could take this time to focus on yourself. You are now a single gal and use this time to try things for yourself. Go to a movie YOU want to see. Eat at a restaurant YOU like. Go visit a place YOU have always wanted to go. And BREATHE. As women we sometimes forget ourselves in trying to be a pair.
For as much as it frustrates us, God has his plan.
Sending good thoughts and prayers your way!
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Camalamadingdong
Big SIS (4306)
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# Posted: 13 Jul 2007 00:13
You shouldnt feel silly at all! This is a place where you can come with anything and you have a very valid request :)
I pray that God will help you through this time of need.
Psalm 40:1-3
I Waited patiently for the Lord and He inclined to me, and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit of desctruction, out of the miry clay; And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm. And he put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.
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